Welcome to The Tribe.
Your Humble Ruler, Rajah Cheech Beldone, King of the Gypsies.

Friday, October 30, 2015

Feels like forever

Holy crap.
First fuckin Friday AC/DC in I don't even want to fuckin THINK about how long.

Don't welcome me back.
I ain't fucking back.


Friday, August 2, 2013

Know when it's time to pack it in

Yeah, well, it's like this.

Although you wouldn't know it from the recent glut of posts, I think it's a pretty safe bet that I basically got nothing left to say.

And don't see that changing anytime soon.

So, you know, we're going to shut her down for at least the time being.

We'll stay up, for those of you who haven't really scoured all the archived stuff, and to provide a badly needed quick reference for any of you who occasionally need to check the correct spelling of "fuck".

But as far as new content goes, it ain't going to be happening.

Thanks, as always, for your generous support.

See you around.


Monday, July 1, 2013

Don't bring me downnnn, man

Hey, you know that green foam that they use when they're making flower arrangements?

Bizarrely enough, it's actually called "florist foam", what do you know?

Anyways, and I really can't tell you why, at all, but...

I find it extremely depressing.

I'm not kidding, I just look at that shit and I get TOTALLY depressed.

How fucked is that?


Love this fuckin town

So a couple weeks ago, I'm driving in, at like, you know, 0820 or something, and it's fuckin PISSING down raining

I'm going along by the Water Department there, behind the Technology University.
Pretty busy road, especially during rush hour, and all curvy and shit.
And sure enough this DIZZY bitch pulls away from the curb in her fuckin Camry or whatever, without even PRETENDING to shoulder check, RIGHT in fuckin front of me.
I slams on the binders, of course, and just barely stop in time to avoid bouncing off her back passenger door, as I let loose with a multicoloured torrent of bad language and ill wishes.
Now if that's where the story ended, well, there'd be no post, since that kind of shit happens all the time and don't really warrant mention.

But, just as I screech to a halt, I experience simultaneously, a shove from behind and hear the unmistakeable sound of scooter fiberglass crunching on scooter fiberglass.
Now, note that I've just had about a liter of adrenaline squirted into my system, and am, at the moment, about as close to

as I'll ever be able to get.
So I swing me head around to look over my shoulder, again, with my Friendly Meeting Strangers face, you know

And there's this young university kid there, with his skinny girlfriend on the back of his scooter.
And he looks at me and goes

" Sorry, sorry."

But the thing is he's really sorry, not scared or freaking out or anything.
And then he reaches out and pats me on the fucking shoulder for the love of fuck.
I'm kind of struck dumb.
Because, you know, it wasn't really his fault, could have happened to anyone.
Any fucking ways, I take off, you don't want to be standing still in the middle of rush hour traffic in the rain, with, how does it go, tens of thousands of crazed plastic wrapped celestials headed straight up your behind at 60 to 80 klicks.

But I get to the next light, and the kid's right beside me.
And I look over and he sees me, and I (sort of) smile and hold up my hand and say
"It's OK, it wasn't your fault"
And he grins and nods.
And the light changes and we go.

As Brother Cisco would say, Respect, kid. Respect.

Little fucker.


Tuesday, June 25, 2013

SPEAKING of shit Mohawks...

UPDATE: I'm pretty sure Bo-Nose wasn't all that tickled at my comments, so he had "his people" 86  the original video to which I had linked.
Well fuck you, Hewson, I got fuckin Paint, so, you know, neener neener.

Don't worry, nobody expects you to sit through the whole fucking thing...

But look at these bastards.

Bono, you turd, what's the deal with your HEAD?
Honestly, you see a hairdo like that, pretty much means a guy's about to get escorted by Tom Hanks and Boomer Morse

for an appointment with Old Sparky.

Don't get me wrong, I really liked him in Popeye

and he was pretty good in that one with Matty and Bumfleck.

But this is just kind of embarrassing.
Ironicallistically enough, for everyone who made fun of Dave when he went bald at like 23

he's definitely got the last laugh.
I mean he's still looking pretty fucking sound, really.

but the others?
I mean, you know, crap.

Fucking Adam and Larry Mullen Jr. look like

a couple of old lesbanian PE teachers that are counting down the minutes until they can retire to the Saltspring Islands and sell cappies from a wagon at the Saturday Artisan's Market in their LL Bean boots, while scowling at all the men.


Monday, June 24, 2013

Caution is advised

Nothin wrong with a good Mohawk.

Just a word to the wise, though.

You may be going along, happy as a pig in shit (I remember when The Ranette was about 7 or 8 and her telling me how lame she thought the "H" on the end of Winnie the Pooh was,

her exact words were "Who do they think they're fooling, anyway??")

Any fuckin ways, you may be cruising, thinkin you're Rockin the Hawk, as cool as it fuckin gets, like, say,





or even

And then SUDDENLY, with no warning, you suddenly realize to your horror, you're sporting Reggie Warrington Shitlocks.

And nobody, NOBODY, wants that...


Over Lunch

She heaves a big sigh and looks mournful.
"What's the problem?"
"Oh, you know, it just seems so unfair." she says.
"Uh, to which exactly of a possible mungogingillion things are you referring?"
"Just that" she says "it seems so unfair. I love physics sooo much..."

"Uh huh?"
"But it just won't love me back!"
A moment's pause.
"I know, sweetie, I know. It's like going out with a German girl."

Anytime you can legitimately deploy a Billy Bob quote, you know you're on top