Medieval Merriment Mediocrely Maintained

OK, so a while ago I watched a double feature of Snow White & the Huntsman

I know you're dying to mentally swap in a C for the H on that last word, go ahead, knock yourself out

and Black Death

mostly just as a sort of holdover to satisfy my jonesing for Guys in Armour Riding Around on Horses and Poking each Other with Sharp Stuff whilst I impatiently wait for them to finish S3 of Game of Thrones.

Notice how the bonehead tried to 'Shop Dinklage to scale, but he just ended up looking fucked up

The Snow Whitey deal looked interesting, you know, they got Hemmers going there, not as Thor or anything, but still.

and La Theronista

Yeah, they got this one bit where she gets coated in white chocolate or some fucking thing...tell you what, if I'd a got one of THEM for Easter when I was a kid, I'd have DEFINITELY eaten the ass first...no question

Even that plank of 1X4 pine Kristen Whatsis is bearable.

In this movie the unicorns love her, which only proves that mythical horse-type beasties don't watch Twilight movies

I don't get too perturbed by her, any time it looks like she's taking herself too seriously, I just remember her in Panic Room

Where she was like some kind of Lesbanian Cadet or some fucking thing.

Oh, and speaking of which, I don't give a fucking monkey's how much rug she munches, Foster in Panic Room??

I drew so much fucking wood, they were calling me Pinocchio for a week.

In fact, uh...hang on, I'll be right back.

Whew. OK, all better.

So any fucking ways, while the Snow White & etc had some flaws, like, for instance, I'm pretty sure they gave the whole end battle sequence to 3 nine-year-old boys in a treehouse to plan and execute, one of the best things about the whole deal is the Dwarfy/Midget guys.

I know I ain't supposed to call them Midgety, but here's the catch:

They were just regular sized dudes!

Yeah, they got like 7 or 8 (the number seemed to change all the time) guys, who are all pretty much totally badass actors,

I know! I ain't fucking making this up!

And then used CG and other trickery to make them little dudes.

And it was fucking fantastic, seriously, pretty much flawless, seriously well done.

And not a fuckin Warwick in sight.

Seriously, you got to recognize, when you're making a movie, you have the choice between using REAL little dudes

Who maybe aren't such shit hot actors, or computing regular dudes to look like little guys.

Which can have its own unique problems.

With approximately ONE notable exception

You got Jason Acuña

and, of course, the Dinkstaaah (who would be a GAWD in any size ordered).

If I could be HALF as cool as him at TWICE his height...wait, let me get my calculator...

And otherwise, you know you're going to be sacrificing acting talent for requisite shortitude.

Like, take, for example, Lord of the Rings.

Now, imagine, for a moment, if they'd decided to go the other way.

Just think how much better it would have been if they'd been able to, for the wee Hobbitals, hire regular size dudes who could really act.

Serious improvement.

Raj

Happy Birthday, Y'all

Hey, we need to extend our warmest (if slightly tardy) birthday wishes here.

Among others, join me in wishing the very best to the Scomerosaurus Rex, the kinder, gentler of the Twin Peaks, as gracious and thoughtful as he is long on the draw, Happy Birthday to

The Cobra.
Hope you had a good one, brother, all the best.

Raj

I'd like to thank the Academy...

I'm...well, pretty much speechless.

I was just checking our Stats here.

I asked Wee Irish what his number one directing Search term was, it was, he said, consistently the subject of one of his most popular posts.

Over here, however, things are never quite that simple, and I'd like to think that's the way we want it.

It's with only the deepest thanks and heartfelt appreciation for my continued, and wholly undeserved blessings, that I am proud to announce that (may I have the envelope please) OUR number one directing Search term, by a country mile, is:

kate mara naked

 

And

the

crowd

goes nuts.

Oh yeah, kate mara ass was a distant second.

See, I don't just promise the world, I deliver.

Raj

Big cash, lots of prizes

Hey, it's that time of year again.
We notice that we haven't gotten a new Follower since, approximately, Gerald Ford

was in the White House.

So, it's time to offer the Annual New Follower Bounty.

Any of you that can coerce some bored fuck into increasing our Follower count will receive, in addition to your Raj's eternal gratitude, the following:

One quality domestic tobacco product

AND one actual Taiwan Pineapple Beer (while supplies last)

PLUS, the prizes will be awarded, for the first time ever, pro rata!


That's right, you get TWO marks to sign up, you get, wait for it, TWO smokes and TWO beers!!!

How is this possible, you ask??
Well, suffice to say we've recently been the grateful recipients of an 11th hour Hail Mary cash infusion.
So, naturally, we're passing the savings on to you.
Who loves you and wants the fuckin WORLD for you, all day and all fuckin night?
Damn skippy.

Don't thank me.
Go on and git on it then.


Raj

The Good Fight takes a shitkicking

Ah crap.

First we lose The Gov

Then Russ Means

A fucked week for anyone that ever thought things might get good again.

Do yourself a favour, if you don't know already, and read up on the 1973 AIM Occupation of Wounded Knee.
Yeah, that's right, less than 50 years ago, American Indians fucking faced off against the US Government.

With fellow Freedom Fighter Dennis Banks

 

Shots were fired.

People died.

Fuckin Brando showed up with medicine and supplies.

No kidding.

Later on, of course, Russell became a movie star.

This was your Raj's Favourite Movie In The Fuckin World of record for many years

Somewhere in there he ran as VP candidate on Larry Flynt's Presidential Campaign ticket.
I'm not making that up.

Sadness around the council fire, that's for sure.

As for Old George, well I'm sure there's more than a few nice Single Malts being hoisted and a few fat spleebs sparked up wherever the tired old warriors go once they've earned their rest.

Shalom, George.

Shalom, Russ.

 

Real live heroes you were, and shall ever be.

Raj

OK, that fuckin hurt

One of the things I used to hate about coming to work along the river road (which you may be aware I stopped doing nearly a year ago)

was this, if you're riding a scoot/moto in traffic here, you'll probably recognize it.

So you're going along, at a fair clip, in the 50-60 klick range, and there's a substantial bolus of vehicles, all moving.

And you got, maybe, a metre between you and the bike in front of you.
Those of you in the know will recognise the pointlessness of maintaining a proper distance with the vehicle ahead in Taipei traffic, since if you actually allow one bike length plus 2 inches, one of them zipperhead pigfuckers will swerve in in front of you to fill it.

Any fuckin ways.
The point is that, although you're moving at a good clip, with the clearance from the bike ahead of you, you only get like a second or two to see the road in front of you.
So what happens is, especially if it's a high traffic, typically crappily maintained road like that one, you suddenly see like a bigass pothole directly in front of you

and there's nothing you can do about it.

It's sort of like when, out of the corner of your eye, you see a low right hook heading your way, sailing right around your elbow, zeroing straight on for your ribs, and even though you can totally see it coming, you're powerless to do anything about it, and all you do is duck your head and wait for it and make a noise when it hits.

I used to hate that.


Raj