Did it fucking sink yet??

SPOILER WARNING: If you don't know what happened to the Titanic, stop reading IMMEDIATELY. Then go eat some fucking Drano or something, I got no time for your sorry NT$5 ass.

Exile has its benefits.
I believe I am the last person on the planet who hasn't yet heard that Gagnam deal. And more than happy to be so.

As you know, I don't really watch TV.
But sometimes while me and The Ranette are having breakfast or lunch on the weekend, I'll flip through the movie channels, as one does.
There's a decent chance I'll be able to scarf down me chapatis and eggs whilst enjoying at least one of:

• Forrest and Lieutenant DAY-an fishing for shrimp
• Arnold blowing some fucking thing up
• Johnny Rambo
• (At least one) James Bond
• Tom Fucking Cruise running fast

There's also, as you probably know,  those deals where you've never seen a particular movie, but you've seen one part like 50 times.

That's me and Titanic.
I've never seen it, but I've seen the last 40 minutes or so so many fucking times I can say the lines right along with the actors.

There's no good reason why you can't ride up here with me, I just don't WANT you to

What a pile of shit this is, man.

And hey, while we're at it, how is it I can never get to see the part where she gets 'em out for Leo, for fuck's sakes??

Despite some pretty

Billy Zane just ROCKS, if you don't agree, you're a fucking idiot

quality

actors

in

the deal, and some OK ones

Around YOUR house he may be known as Horatio Hornblower, but around the Mâṇëy, he's always Rubber Guy from Fantastic Four...since, obviously, his real name isn't spelt in any known actual human language...

Man, the whole deal is just so fuckin goofy.

And then at the end when the old dame is running around on the boat there

NICE fuckin lettuce there, Paxton, you CLOWN, PERFECT match for your character's 70s porn actor name

and you find out she's been sitting on that fuckin diamond for the last 150 years, right?

Alls I can think of, every fucking time, is if I was one of the dudes she married and had like them hundred odd kids with and shit, and I'd worked my SACK off  every day of my life, caring for her, providing for her, feeding and clothing her and our kids, or even just any dude who ever even bought her a fucking tequila for fuck's sakes, and all along she'd been keeping this PRICELESS FUCKING DIAMOND under the mattress, well fuck me, I'd have come back from beyond the grave just long enough to crack her in her geriatric fucking MELON with a fucking OAR or belaying pin

or SOME fucking thing.
Dopey old TIT.

Oh, and the whole blue lippy coldy icey deal?
Fuck you, pal.

That was me about 1/3 of my life before the age of 16, waiting for the fucking bus.
I got through okay.
You fucking FLAKES.

And then, finally, at the end, THIS whole pile of CRAP:

Oh please, fuck you already, is this supposed to be what happens when you die?

A while ago The Ranette noted, quite accurately, that while everyone else is all dolled up For ETERNITY, Jack and his buddies are all still wearing their crappy-assed Oliver Fucking Twist gear.

I explained to her that this is because James Cocksucker Cameron wants you to know that:

G_D HATES POOR PEOPLE.

And I still have never really heard that horrible fucking song by that horsefaced Quebecer broad, either.

Raj

PS My maternal grandmother, the vicious abusive one, came over from fuckin England with her family on the boat that sailed the day before the fucking Titanic. One fuckin day, I swear that's a true story.