These truths we hold to be self-evident...well I do, anyways

Hey, don't you just fucking love the way girls with long hair will just sort of grab it and tie it back when they want it out of the way? Real casual like.
I don't know why, that really drives me nuts.
A lot of girls here will do it before they put on their helmets to ride their scoot.
Of course, the backwards jacket can be a bit of a wood-kill...

So I was toying with the notion of hooking up a mike and recording the conversation I have with myself every morning on my drive in to work, because there's more than a little comedy gold going on there. But then I realized it would be worse than meaningless if you couldn't see what was going on.
You guys would be all like
"Why's that guy a FUCKIN JERK?"
"How come he called that kid Cyclops?"
"Why is he asking that guy if he's fuckin Batman?"
"What did that lady do to make her a DOPEY. FUCKING. BITCH?"
"What does 'Nice work there, Serpico' mean?"

I think you get my point.
And no, I ain't even close to being a numb enough cunt to wear a fucking stupid helmet cam rig.
Like one of them Gargoyles out of Snow Crash.

So I'm trying to distill some useful knowledge here, for my daughter, and as a Royal Edict from your compassionate yet resolute Ruler.
I'll talk more later about the presence of Mr. Edward Blake in the new header.
For the time being...

Never get into a towel-snapping fight with anyone who's ever worked in a kitchen or at a swimming pool.

Not everyone who drives a Mercedes is a rank asshole, but you'll probably never go wrong working from that assumption.

But EVERYONE who drives a Lexus is.

Never trust  a cop. Government worker + gun. Oh yeah, that's a good deal.

If something makes you happy, never let anyone else tell you it's no good. More than likely they're a miserable fuckhead looking for somewhere to diffuse their  personal rancor.

The Creator doesn't make assholes. The Creator makes babies, and they're perfect. The world makes assholes.

We live in a world that embraces the thermodynamic and biological capability to make ice cream. It would be kind of disrespectful to not take advantage of that.

Human Relations are bullshit (Mikhail Stanislavsky, circa 2002). You  will never achieve perfect emotional or functional synchronicity with any human not connected to you by blood. It's always going to be a compromise. And, as Larry David says, the nature of compromise is that nobody gets what they want. Get used to it, and you won't be disappointed.

Playing cover songs is not intrinsically worse or of less aesthetic value than playing originals. It's a sad truth that everyone wants to be Bob Dylan and James McMurtry, but almost nobody is.

Girls and black guys are the only people that can smoke menthols and be cool. A (straight) white guy who smokes menthols is not to be trusted.

One guy who spends his whole life trying to provide for his family is worth a million guys who spend all their time accruing Shit You Can Buy. Period.

A Career is something people substitute for a meaningful life.

I don't care what anyone says, if you can't touch it or hold it in your hands, you didn't buy it.

"Nobody earns 20 million dollars. People earn 30 or 40 thousand dollars. 20 million, you stole it." - Fran Liebowitz

Firefly could easily have gone for 3 or 4 more seasons without getting even a little stupid. Angel, on the other hand, should have packed the whole fucking deal in before that (fake) Irish kid got smoked.

Peanut butter, no matter how crap your life is going and how miserable you're feeling, will always be peanut butter when you need it to be.

And last, but not least, as me Grandpa used to say, if we all liked the same things, why, everyone would be after your Grandma.

Hey, tomorrow's Friday!

See you then, babies.

Raj