Welcome to The Tribe.
Your Humble Ruler, Rajah Cheech Beldone, King of the Gypsies.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Seriously, I don't get it

OK, so, when I was a kid and used to work in theatre and shit, I was in this one play.
The director had cast this peeler as one of the girls in the play.
That's a peeler like back home

Not like in Belfast.

Anyways, this babe was, to put it mildly, a little light in the old consistency department.
Lovely girl, very talented. Kind of a Quaalude & red wine drunk, but there's nothing intrinsically wrong with that.
But it soon became apparent, even in the early days of rehearsal, that she was finding things like getting to rehearsal on time a serious challenge.
So the director charged me with minding her.
I had wheels, and was generally a responsible sort.
So I was tasked with collecting her, from her apartment or the Hoochie Coochie joint where she worked,

and getting her to the theatre on time.
Needless to say, I frequently ended up being treated to her plying her wares, as it were, often having to wait for her to finish up her set.
Other times I kind of had to physically roust her from the depths of her boudoir.
No biggie, really.
Actually, I'm pretty sure she got 'em out in the course of the play we were doing, too.
Anyways the point is, I seen her buck naked on a regular basis.

And then, one time, I was going to get her to drive her home or something, and I just gave a quick knock before opening the door to her dressing room, and she was like half-dressed, and she went apeshit on me.
Yelling at me for not knocking and not respecting her privacy and on and on.
And I was like...huh?

Anyways, that's how I feel whenever I sit for like hours having a meal with a bunch of Taiwanese people, who manage to get through like 10 courses plus soup without ever once closing their mouths.
And then when dinner's over they all grab the toothpicks and do the two handed mouth shielding thing.

And I'm like...the fuck???
Dude, I been looking down your damn gullet all night, what's the big fucking secret???



Hey, thanks for the fuckin feedback.
Readers' opinions and feelings are fucking important to me.
No, I'm fucking serious.