Friday Sports Roundup

Well fuck me.
Quite the fucking week, all things considered.
I reckon I saw more of you guys this week than I have in 6 fucking months.
And yeah, that's a fucking good thing.
Onliest way it could have been better is if I'd seen ALL of yiz this week.
But there ain't much way I could have managed that.
Unless, you know I was, like

In which case I'd be a boring fuckin STIFF and none of you would have wanted to see me ANY fucking ways.

I gotta say, you wouldn't want EVERY fucking week to be like this.
I been fucking

Sorry, one hates to recycle, but this one is SO fuckin WTF, I can't let it go

and fuckin

and

like a fuckin 30-year-old.

(Well, like I fucking did when I was a fucking 30-year-old, any fucking ways)

And I hate to say it, but I'm kind of feeling it.

If you can fucking believe it, me fuckin

and

have fucking gone behind my fucking back, if you can fuckin feature it, the seditionist motherfuckers, and lodged a formal complaint with Legal over some trumped up allegations of fucking Workplace Mistreatment.

Well, fuck them, see if I invite THEIR subversive fucking asses the next time we go fucking drinking.

Cocksuckers.

Any fuckin ways, it IS still Friday, so you know what THAT means...

Have a good one babies, and thanks for a great week.

Raj

DON'T call him Bubbles Pt. 4

Part 1 is here.
Part 2 is here.
Part 3 is here.


I know for a fact that one of our Tribal brothers here spent a couple years during his youth, like when he was like 6 or 7, wearing a Batman mask and cape whenever he went out. If I'm recalling the story correctly, he spent all day tear-assing around the neighborhood on his bike, dressed as Bats. I think maybe he thought he was Batman.

And who am I to argue?

I remember when I was pretty small, we went to the circus.

(that might be the most thoroughly cliched thing I've ever written on here)

And I guess it was at the height of the fucked up Batmania that was going on as a result of the runaway success of the TV show. 

No, Commissioner Gordon. No sir. No, we have no idea whatsoever where these allegations of homosexuality might be coming from...

 There was Batman shit EVERYWHERE.

This one never really took off, since its non-moving face and inability to speak were, nonetheless, about 1800% more expressive than Adam West himself...

I definitely had one of these

AND one of these, for sure

Them tires are real rubber, by the way.

See that gold coloured gear behind Batman's rear window?

When you turned that, little plastic hot dogs would shoot out of those 3 silver tubes.

See that gold button right in front of the windshield?

Push that and this big saw blade pops out of the nose of the Batmobile, for cutting chains stretched across the road.

(Apparently that happens a lot more often than you'd expect)

AND Batman and Robin come out of their seats.

Mine was the Grey one

As you can see, not only was the handpainting on them rather imprecise, Robin's fucking cape was GOLD, for jumping out loud!!!

My old man explained this to me by saying that they'd been made in Hong Kong.
I found this to be a rather lame explanation, like what, they don't have any YELLOW FUCKING PAINT in Hong Kong??

I've since been there, more than a few times, and I can assure you, I saw PLENTY of yellow stuff.

Incidentally, the Robin, despite the fact that his ASS is perfectly flat, was still about im-fucking-POSSIBLE to get back in after you took him out.

Any fuckin ways.
I didn't really want to go to the circus, it just wasn't my cup of, you know, meat.
I've never really understood the appeal, to be honest.

Yeah, you and me BOTH, sis

At least until I was old enough to start pulling wood looking at the acrobat ladies in their skintight gear.

But Ma mentioned to me that, in addition to all the OTHER stuff, they were going to have, as a special guest....BATMAN!!!!

OK, when do we fucking leave, and, SHOTGUN.

Once again, you need to remember,  my sense of reality was pretty warped.

It was like, I guess, the Dept store Santa deal.

Like it never even fuckin occurred to me for a SECOND that some other random fucker would get tarted up in a Batmaniacal ensembulatory getup and SAY he was Batman.

I mean who the fuck does that??

Somebody ask Wee Irish Fella how you say "cameltoe" in Mexican

So we go and I'm sitting through, not too fuckin patiently, all the other circusatory BULLshit, I honestly can't remember ANY of it.
Until the fuckin ringleader dude starts the big windup and introduction, and then THE SONG starts playing.

And out comes...

This guy.
In a Batman suit.
Except it's all fucking ORANGE and black!
And I'm like, what the FUCK!?
And I asked Ma, like, why's he wearing a different suit?
Anyways, this Notman character starts like riding a motorcycle up on the high wire and swinging around on the trapeze and shit, and I'm watching, and you can SEE right fuckin THERE in fucking FRONT of you the guy is just fucking LITTLE, not even CLOSE to being the actual Batman size.

(Just as a side note, at this time I'm pretty sure I was unaware of Robin's

history,

otherwise the whole deal would have STUNK of irony)

Hey!!! That's my career!! It's going down the toilet!! Somebody grab it!!!!

Anyways, as I watch this...charlatan hooping around overhead, it suddenly dawns on me in a flash of shock and amazement...

That's not Batman at all, it's just a regular guy in a Batman suit!!!!

First the fuckin mine cave-in deal, and now this.

Clearly, things were changing in my world, and I really wasn't certain that I liked the whole fucking deal...

Raj

You can't fucking trust NOBODY any more...

Raj

DON'T call him Bubbles Pt. 3

Part 1 is here.
Part 2 is here.

When I was little, the world was a very small place.
I pretty much alternated between living on the edge of a pretty sleepy city of less than half a million, the farm, and little towns of less than 3000 people.

Three TV channels

with one of them in French

and all in black & white.

Yeah, I watched this live

and this too

although neither of them had all that much impact on me at the time.

I do remember this

And they all pretty much looked like that at the time, too. Or worse

Any fuckin ways, the point is, when I was just wee, my perception of what constituted reality was considerably different from, I think, most people's.

Like comics, for example.

You know, like, this

seemed a fuck of a lot more real than this

At least Bats was in colour.

Interestingly enough, I'm pretty sure we never got a colour TV until the 70s, which means that I only ever saw the TV show, which I believe I've mentioned before how nuts I was about, in B&W.

Which is, you know, roughly the equivalent of watching fireworks

on the radio.

Any fuckin ways, I had this weird centric interpretation of what was "real".

I distinctly recall one time, being up long before anyone else in the house (yeah, I did it then, too) and reading this

actual comic.
Doing the various maths, I can pretty much guarantee I was 6, maybe going on 7, and it was summer, because even that early it was light out.

Anyways, I was up at some unforsaken hour, and I read the one story in the comic called "Batman, Robot"

in which a major plot point is that a bunch of hoodlums (hoodlum!) lure Batman into this abandoned mine

and then blow it up.

It collapses, and

BATMAN IS KILLED.

Now, this would have been an EXcellent time to recall the similar plight of Johnny Rambo and note that just because it LOOKED like he was killed,

of course didn't mean he WAS killed.
The bad news was, of course that Johnny Rambo/Sly was like fuckin 14 at the time.

So we were pretty much screwed all the way around.

So, any fuckin ways, I'm like sitting there, 6 years old, all alone, and I read this.

And I freak

Fucking

Out

Now I know it sounds stupid, like it's a comic book, but for me, then, it was like I'd just read the front page of the paper, or seen it on the news or something.

Except that I cared more about Batman than anyone I read about in the paper or saw on the fucking news.

And I'm crying and wailing and all.

In FACT, I was SO upset that I actually went and woke up my older sister.

Now, you must realize, waking up my older sister, especially on a holiday when she didn't have to get up, well...

Remember when Conan
(Arnie Conan

not [different but equally fucking awesome] JMo Conan)

was robbing the big ass jewel from Thulsa Doom's temple with Valeria

and 1972 and 1973 Pipeline Masters winner, Mr. Pipeline, Gerry Lopez?

And Conan drips sweat into the eye of the Gigantor-assed snake and wakes it up?

 

Well imagine if, instead of just dripping sweat on the big bastard, one woke it up by squirting half a bottle of Mad Dog fucking 357

right in his fucking eye, while making a comment about his Ma pulling the train with Motley Crüe

and stealing his WoW

password.

Waking up my sister was worse than that.

Anyways, she kind of smacked me and told me it was just a damn comic and not to be such a baby.

And sure enough, by Jiminy, when I settled down and went and read on, it turned out that Batman wasn't dead at all!!

It was just a ruse to trick the hoodlums all along!!

Fucking Batman, huh?

Well that was certainly a relief, anyways.

 

Raj