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Your Humble Ruler, Rajah Cheech Beldone, King of the Gypsies.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

DON'T call him Bubbles Pt. 4

Part 1 is here.
Part 2 is here.
Part 3 is here.

I know for a fact that one of our Tribal brothers here spent a couple years during his youth, like when he was like 6 or 7, wearing a Batman mask and cape whenever he went out. If I'm recalling the story correctly, he spent all day tear-assing around the neighborhood on his bike, dressed as Bats. I think maybe he thought he was Batman.

And who am I to argue?
I remember when I was pretty small, we went to the circus.
(that might be the most thoroughly cliched thing I've ever written on here)
And I guess it was at the height of the fucked up Batmania that was going on as a result of the runaway success of the TV show. 
No, Commissioner Gordon. No sir. No, we have no idea whatsoever where these allegations of homosexuality might be coming from...
 There was Batman shit EVERYWHERE.

This one never really took off, since its non-moving face and inability to speak were, nonetheless, about 1800% more expressive than Adam West himself...

I definitely had one of these

AND one of these, for sure

Them tires are real rubber, by the way.
See that gold coloured gear behind Batman's rear window?
When you turned that, little plastic hot dogs would shoot out of those 3 silver tubes.
See that gold button right in front of the windshield?
Push that and this big saw blade pops out of the nose of the Batmobile, for cutting chains stretched across the road.
(Apparently that happens a lot more often than you'd expect)
AND Batman and Robin come out of their seats.

Mine was the Grey one

As you can see, not only was the handpainting on them rather imprecise, Robin's fucking cape was GOLD, for jumping out loud!!!

My old man explained this to me by saying that they'd been made in Hong Kong.
I found this to be a rather lame explanation, like what, they don't have any YELLOW FUCKING PAINT in Hong Kong??

I've since been there, more than a few times, and I can assure you, I saw PLENTY of yellow stuff.

Incidentally, the Robin, despite the fact that his ASS is perfectly flat, was still about im-fucking-POSSIBLE to get back in after you took him out.

Any fuckin ways.
I didn't really want to go to the circus, it just wasn't my cup of, you know, meat.
I've never really understood the appeal, to be honest.

Yeah, you and me BOTH, sis

At least until I was old enough to start pulling wood looking at the acrobat ladies in their skintight gear.

But Ma mentioned to me that, in addition to all the OTHER stuff, they were going to have, as a special guest....BATMAN!!!!

OK, when do we fucking leave, and, SHOTGUN.

Once again, you need to remember,  my sense of reality was pretty warped.

It was like, I guess, the Dept store Santa deal.

Like it never even fuckin occurred to me for a SECOND that some other random fucker would get tarted up in a Batmaniacal ensembulatory getup and SAY he was Batman.

I mean who the fuck does that??

Somebody ask Wee Irish Fella how you say "cameltoe" in Mexican

So we go and I'm sitting through, not too fuckin patiently, all the other circusatory BULLshit, I honestly can't remember ANY of it.
Until the fuckin ringleader dude starts the big windup and introduction, and then THE SONG starts playing.

And out comes...

This guy.
In a Batman suit.
Except it's all fucking ORANGE and black!
And I'm like, what the FUCK!?
And I asked Ma, like, why's he wearing a different suit?
Anyways, this Notman character starts like riding a motorcycle up on the high wire and swinging around on the trapeze and shit, and I'm watching, and you can SEE right fuckin THERE in fucking FRONT of you the guy is just fucking LITTLE, not even CLOSE to being the actual Batman size.

(Just as a side note, at this time I'm pretty sure I was unaware of Robin's


otherwise the whole deal would have STUNK of irony)

Hey!!! That's my career!! It's going down the toilet!! Somebody grab it!!!!

Anyways, as I watch this...charlatan hooping around overhead, it suddenly dawns on me in a flash of shock and amazement...

That's not Batman at all, it's just a regular guy in a Batman suit!!!!

First the fuckin mine cave-in deal, and now this.

Clearly, things were changing in my world, and I really wasn't certain that I liked the whole fucking deal...


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