Hey, remember that one fucking guy??

You remember that guy, yeah?
That fucking drummer.

Crazy fucker, right?
He was the one that worked a shit union gig at the radio station so he could afford all the gear he wanted.
He drove that Ford minivan, he said that if he couldn't get the gig on his drumming, he'd get hired just for his van.

That one time he took that one chick, that crazy-assed schizophrenic redhead that was always hanging around, they went out and parked the van in the middle of this field at like 2 AM and he was banging her silly and suddenly this giant fucking tractor appeared, doing night harvesting, and they were pinned in its huge fucking floods, he said he took off so fast the redhead got thrown back with all the drums and shit, buck fuckin naked, and it took him 20 minutes to get her out.
But first he said he sped through two counties with no pants on, the tractor scared him so bad.

You know that fuckin guy, we were playing that showcase and he had to use the headliner's drums, yeah? And it was the 80s and the guy had a bunch of electronic pads in place of toms and one was programmed to a reverse gate, and he kept hitting it by mistake so it sounded like the fuckin Thompson Twins

were sticking their heads in in the middle of a fuckin Credence show.

And he got so fuckin mad that he busted the thing off the stand and had to pay the kid with the hair for a new one.

Remember that one time when we tried to get him to sing, and he said drummers can't sing, and the guitar player said, yeah, what about Don Henley?
And the guy, whatsisname, he says, yeah, have you heard him play drums??

There was that one time we got a call from the Agency, they needed someone to open for Teenage Head,

Go do a fucking image search for Teenage Head, I fucking dare you

and wanted us to do the gig. Drawback was (and the reason they were calling us, most likely), they wanted to use our drum kit. That guy, the drummer, he was like, No. Fuckin. Way.
Mark Lockerbie had a pretty solid reputation for demolishing every kit he played on, that's why they never used their own rig.
Sadly, Teenage Head was the guitar player's absolute favourite band of all time, he worshiped Frankie fuckin Venom

like people worship the Boss or Joe or Chuck D and shit.
He begged that one guy to take the gig, but he just straight up wouldn't do it.
I think the guitar player ended up crying.

You remember him, don't you?

Yeah, I heard he was playing some Solstice festival or some fucking thing up near Grand Prairie and was going on at like 3 AM so he did like 4 tabs of windowpane or some fucking thing to stay awake.
I heard he played Wipeout for an hour and twenty minutes straight and just fucking fell over dead.

You remember that guy, right?